I had to stay home with the girls while Scott took Asher to the MRI. Because they were going to give him anesthetic, Asher had to fast. It was difficult at home so Scott left the house at 11am. I honestly didn't worry; I thought this MRI wasn't going to show anything wrong. I received a few emails from Scott on his little work computer-pager with photos attached. The latest was one that said, "Here till 6pm."

I had just finished nursing Aubree around 5:20pm and I was walking through the kitchen when the phone rang. I saw on caller I.D. it was the pediatrician calling. I don't remember much of what the doctor said except, "There's a mass in the back of Asher's brain. We don't know what it is yet, but there is definitely something growing. Are you okay? Do you have someone to come stay with you and the girls? I told Scott to stay at the hospital with Asher in case they want to admit him. I didn't want him to go all the way home just to have to go back. They are waiting for the neurosurgeon to get out of surgery to read the films. Write down my cell phone number and call me if you need me."

I'm bawling my eyes out. "No, no, no. This can't be true." I didn't expect this. I tried to call my mom and kept getting her voicemail. I tried to find my friend, Karla's, phone number and couldn't find it, so I emailed her. I did get a hold of my mom after 10 minutes and told her, "It isn't good news."

I wanted to go to the hospital to be with my little boy but I wasn't sure, who would feed Aubree? I had just pumped some milk in the last day because I was engorged, so there were a few 2oz bottles worth. I realized there was also a small can of formula from the hospital too, in case I didn't have enough breast milk. It was breaking my heart that she would have to have a bottle, but as soon as I felt that I felt guilty for feeling it. Didn't my little boy need me more?
Alexa was following me around, "What's wrong, Mommy?" I couldn't stop crying and she didn't understand and I didn't know what to say to her.

There was some family in town because we were supposed to have a family reunion tomorrow, so my mom came to be with the girls and my aunt and her husband took me to the hospital. My sister called then and I gave her the news and she said she would go to the house to be with mom and the girls.

I got to the hospital and it was pretty late, 8pm by then. My little guy said he wanted to go home. I saw the MRI images on the computer. Then the neurosurgeon came to talk to me. I vaguely remember what he said. There's an apricot sized brain tumor, no doubt it is cancer but what type they won't know till after surgery. Surgery will be Sunday morning or earliest Saturday afternoon.

That was the news. My little boy has cancer!